Hi guys, it’s been a while, and I know no one reads this thing, and it’s my fault. A lot of stuff has changed and it wasn’t exactly stuff I could blog about. So anyhow, since I don’t have any photos for you I’ve decided to review some old horror movies. I just saw phantasm for the first time so here goes!

I wasn’t sure what to expect when starting to watch Phantasm for the first time. I had read some reviews of it online and it seemed to be a gleeful, cheesy romp through the 70s with tons of blood, monsters, and boobies.

I was totally wrong…except for the ‘cheesy’. There’s so much nacho cheese in this movie, that I forgot to take a screenshot of it. Yeah, literal cheese! I don’t want to spoil anything else, so that’s all I say. What say we get down to brass tacks:

Yes, the movie starts in a cemetery, where some fine young people are having sex, followed by a post-coital murder. Boobs, murder, and cemetery within the first five minutes, check. Ladies, don’t worry – these are the only boobs you’ll see for the rest of the movie – and to be honest there’s only one really bloody scene coming up, too. And yeah – this movie still rocks…let’s move along to the plot.

Michael and Jody are two brothers who live on their own, ever since their parents died. They find themselves at a funeral once more, due to the untimely death of Jody’s good friend. Young Michael witnesses something very disquieting about the mortician (heretofore known as the Tall Man) and speeds off on his dirtbike, taking at least one nosedive, to go home. Meanwhile Jody, and his good friend (the ice cream man) Reggie discuss their dead friend, before going home to totally JAM OUT:

It’s rumored that this scene coincides with the banjo scene in Deliverance, if you play them side by side

Yeah, that’s a fender twin reverb amplifier that Reggie is sitting on, there. Did I mention that this movie was made in 1979? I bet everyone had a nice silverface fender twin reverb back then. While we’re on the topic of music geekery, holy crap! This movie has a great soundtrack, full of at least one analog synth (not including the awesome Mellotron), heavy drums, and later on – electric guitar.

Ok, ok…back to the plot. So Michael goes back to the cemetery to investigate and learns quite a few things about Tall Man. For one thing, he bleeds nacho cheese, and for another thing, he is shrinking dead people, and making them wear ugly brown robes! What an asshole! *crunch* sorry, that’s just me eating some tortilla chips.

pop quiz time:
Would you let this happen to you,

so long as you got to do this afterwards?

Ok, I don’t really want to spoil the plot any further now, except for to maybe say … things get a bit wild around here:

blah blah blah the matrix blah

and to talk about how particularly dreamlike this movie is. The whole movie operates on dream logic and if you’ve had any sort of elaborate dreams that would never make sense in the real world but make perfect sense in dreamland(wainbows I am looking at you here), then you will know what I mean. The suspension of disbelief never lets you question the silly decisions or notions that the protagonists have. For instance, what Michael does with a shotgun shell, a thumb tack, and a hammer might remind you of one of those ‘G I JOE’ public service announcements for a second, but it’ll also make some sort of weird sense.

What doesn’t make sense to me is how this ugly bitch seduces (to some degree) at least three healthy young men:

oh FUCK

Aside from that, and maybe the last 10 minutes of the story, this movie gets both of my thumbs up it’s butt.